Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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