I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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