look no pants
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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