my sisters under your porch take her home
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
