I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
