Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
