Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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