found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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