I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
