We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
