You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
