8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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