Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
