hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
