I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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