matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
