There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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