she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
