I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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