What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
