I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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