HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
