I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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