I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
