Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
