absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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