You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
did i walk over a car last night?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
