All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
birth control should be required to get into college
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
