he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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