Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
