the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
