I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
