I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize