I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
