i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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