Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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