and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize