HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
last night I used snow as a chaser
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