Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You should frame my arrest warrant.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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