Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We are all done wearing pants today
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
