My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
