I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
