Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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