just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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