The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
