hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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