Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize