i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
