wanna go halves on a baby?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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