So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
