and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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