I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize