i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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