I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
