So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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