So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
