I feel great
I just peed on a car
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
