I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
