my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
