I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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