Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
