Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I forget how to act sober
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
