I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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