his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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