I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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