I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
