You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize