Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
